I want to understand.

The events of the last week have been weighing heavy on my heart. I could not sleep well and my mind was all over the place. I kept thinking of how can we fix this? This has to stop! I called some of my black friends to have a conversation like no other we have ever had. I thought it would be hard but actually it was an easy conversation. I think because they knew my heart and why I wanted to know these things. I first asked why all the anger? Not for what happened last week but in general. This is what I heard. Most black people have been treated terribly by white people and especially the police. One of my friends that is a successful business owner said that he has had a pistol pointed at his head after being pulled over by the police because he fit a description of someone that had done something. He said the same thing has happened to his son as well and most black men can say the same. I know the statistics and I can see why this takes place but it’s still wrong! Imagine for a minute that YOU have to consider what might happen if you go into a predominantly white neighborhood at night or even in the day. It makes for some high anxiety even if you have done nothing wrong you may end up dead like many others. We need the police and I was told that black people want no crime and protection just like anybody else. They went further to say that the laws are slanted toward white people as well. For example, crack and cocaine. If you get caught with a piece of crack depending on the size you could go to prison for one to sixteen years. Crack is mostly found in the black neighborhoods. Cocaine on the other hand is an affluent white person drug and the penalties are far less. They said you may get out of jail the next day.

The next thing that was brought up was education. I said but everyone gets a free education in this country. They said yes but for example during the COVID crisis all the kids in the better schools and especially private schools had tablets to do school work on and finish the semester. Poor kids are less likely to have tablets and could not finish. The home environment is not set up for success for a certain percentage of black kids. Dads are missing a lot of the time.

Banking was another thing that they brought up. Think about if you could not borrow money. Banks are bad about only loaning money to people that have money. Buying a car when you are black may mean that you have to go to a high interest loan dealership. Yes, you can make weekly payments but its all interest. Then if the car dies you get screwed easier if you are black.

They also said in fairness the black community has to do a better job of looking out for each other. Spending money at black businesses and having their own banks that will make those loans for cars, houses and businesses. They need to do a better job of running off the drug dealers and criminals instead of looking the other way.

I have heard some very said stories from black friends that live in predominantly white areas. Stories like while teaching his daughter to drive in the neighborhood and going slow a neighbor called the police because all they saw was a black man riding through the neighborhood slowly. He had to prove he lived there. Another black man walking in his own yard in the rain to see how the water flowed had the police called on him and he was asked to prove that he actually owned the house. Has that ever happened to any of you white friends? We would be outraged and demand something be done about it. Well don’t you think our black friends get mad? But you never hear them talk about it so, it builds up inside and combined with all the other things going on an anger starts.

I want all the white people reading this to imagine for a second that that was your son that had a knee in the back of his neck. Pleading to the officer to please take the pressure off so he could breath. He probably felt like he was drowning while someone held him under the water. Can you see your son or daughter in that position? Can you hear them crying out for you to help as the life slowly leaves their body? How mad are you now?

What needs to change?

1. Police reform. Never should there be a knee in someone’s back or neck. Stop profiling blacks. I know the police have a tuff job dealing with people on drugs and the mentally ill. You don’t get paid nearly enough for what you have to deal with.

2. Justice reform. Make the laws fair for everybody!

3. Education. Make sure all kids have the same tools needed to be successful.

These are the things that will start to make a difference according to my black friends. I thank them for being honest with me and I now have a better understanding of their lives. Talk to each other people!

Live better,