Saturday

(In a dark locked room the events of yesterday replay in Peter’s mind)

I woke up this morning in disbelief of everything that happened yesterday. I am so ashamed that I didn't do anything to help Him. I can still see the nails being driven in his hands and feet. He suffered greatly! No man should go through that. I don’t know if they will come for the rest of us or not. I’m kind of lost right now. I don’t know what to do next. For the last three years I followed Him and saw so many miracles performed. I thought if He can do all that surely, He can save Himself. It was like He wanted to suffer like that. Like He had a mission or something. I should have fought for Him! But there were so many soldiers. Still I should have done something! I can’t believe I told Him I would lay down my life for Him and then I denied Him three times. I thought they would turn on me. What was it He said the other night? He said He was leaving and where He was going, I could not go. Was He talking about dyeing? I don’t know. I’m so ashamed. How could something so good end up so bad? People were laughing while they tortured Him. Laughing! I wanted to kill them all! I wanted to but… I’m so ashamed! I heard the skin being torn from his body as they whipped Him over and over again. He didn’t deserve to be treated like that! All He ever did was help people. He never did anything wrong! The Priest lied about Him. But, how could everyone turn on Him like that? Some of the same people that placed palm branches at his feet a couple days ago too. He has said several times that He was leaving but that He would come back. I don’t see how He can come back after what I saw yesterday. Today is a dark day! I feel I have no purpose now. I am in a ditch in deep mud and see no way out. God forgive me! I just hope I can make it to tomorrow!